I promised myself when I started writing this blog that I would always be honest.
So far I’ve been able to do that while focusing primarily on aspects of my life that I’ve had time to reflect on and for the most part, deal with and move past.
This post is a little different.
I’ve got a list of dozens of topics I want to write about but they all feel dishonest because at the moment, I‘m in a pretty bad place known as Week Five of Concussion No. 2.
I started 2016 full of inspiration and excitement. I had started a new business venture that I believe in and know I can do well at given some time. I was on my way to being in the best shape of my life. I hadn’t been sick in months due to a renewed focus on my health and improved nutrition. I was feeling pretty darn good about life.
But then I made a split-second stupid decision and wound up with my second concussion in a year. The first one lasted a month. Now into week five, there is no end in sight.
Instead of daily workouts and getting stronger, I’m faced with deciding whether I’m up to walking my dogs each day. I did well on the nutritional front for the first month – still cooking, meal planning and staying focused – but I’m increasingly losing the will. Instead of feeling inspired, I feel isolated and withdrawn.
Physically, concussions are not fun. Mentally, they’re even worse. My brain is injured and I can’t tell whether it’s the injury that has me teetering on the edge or if it’s the cumulative impact of a lack of exercise and social life.
After five weeks, I’m also beginning to consider whether some tough decisions are ahead of me much sooner than I wanted or anticipated. Will I be physically too far behind my team to rejoin them when this finally does go away? Will I have to give up sports? Even the thought of this is devastating to me. I love sports. It’s a huge part of how I define myself and comprises the majority of my social life. But what happens if I don’t stop and I get another concussion? How will that impact my life, my ability to earn a livelihood and my physical and mental health?
There is no way of knowing the answers to these questions for sure but right now I have nothing else to do but ponder them while feeling like I’m going to throw up.
Did I mention that concussions aren’t fun?
So that’s my honest post about what’s going on with me. I really didn’t need another reminder of how quickly life can change – or maybe I did to keep me from making another stupid split-second decision in the future.
Do you have any tips for managing concussion (or other long-term injury) recovery? Share them in the comments!